Wednesday, December 30, 2009


September 13-December 29 (my birthday)

That's how long Kila stayed with us before she showed her true colors: unhinged and manipulative; crass and immodest. I say good riddance! (I have pictures of how she left her space before she came back from her date- to pack up- full of trash, mixed with wet and dirty underclothes, towels on the floor, but I won't gross you out like that)

We took her in and all (and I mean A LOT) of her stuff, rearranged two bedrooms, a bathroom, the dining room and the fridge to make room for her and gave her limits and a place in our family as one of our own. Allowed her to stay within the boundaries of her high school so she can graduate. Mr. Man and I signed on to let her stay the whole school year as her Education Guardian. We allowed her friends to come in anytime and eat, no questions asked. We added to our menu to accommodate her food choices and even funded her hair routine of biweekly dyeing-- ALL FOR FREE.

But I guess she's too good for us...

For our own children, we have 4 major rules outside of the obvious:
  1. Curfew is tight but negotiable- tell us where you go, who you're with and check in at least once.
  2. Personal Spaces- clean once a week
  3. Laundry- once a week
  4. Chores- get it done and offer to help
Kila broke all on a weekly basis and never mended her ways. My house stank of clothes reeking with secondhand smoke (from her boyfriend's car) and mounting laundry and dirty shoes. She claimed she's 18 and should be free, but she didn't want any responsibility either. When asked about why she wasn't complying to the rules, she said:

  1. "I'm 18, I should be able to enjoy that!" (She's still in highschool and she was allowed to go out every night- curfew Midnight) I don't ask for details and don't mind waiting up for her. Glad I didn't give her a key...
  2. "The bed's gonna get slept on anyway, what's the big deal?" (She's been sleeping on wet towels and dirty clothes, sleeps for 12 hours a day on weekends, during break- making L-Infinity gag with the smell)
  3. "I don't like doing laundry!" (Did I mention the room reeked?)
  4. When asked why she hasn't been helping unless we had to ask her (constantly), "I don't eat here anymore!" (She worked and went on long dates since break- that would be 1 week). When asked if she can help with any other chores, she said, "I don't know! (loudly)
Her boyfriend (a jobless 19-year old who met ONE awful Mormon family and judged us in the same vein though he voraciously accepted our offers of food and didn't mind lounging in our couch to relax his gut after) gave her the idea that he is her knight in shining armor by stating, "I'll take care of you.", further spun her web of acting like the victim that she's been portraying. To her credit, she is the product of a "spineless, crazy, mother who stole her graduation money" (her description), but I think, she's milked that sob story long enough.

She's 18 and we respected that and that's why we rearranged our whole life the past few months to accommodate that fact, but instead, we ended up taking in someone who didn't know how to be grateful and the whole time, vindictive. She said that she didn't trust us because "our close-knit family weirded" her out (I feel so loved). She also stated that she wasn't going to change her ways for us but she changed for her boyfriend for herself. (fine and good, but I didn't ask her to change, I asked her to help out and mind the major rules.)

She left labeling my daughter ignorant and other awful things thru texting. Her boyfriend, disrespected me in my home by cussing me out. I guess they are each other's soul mates. Don't worry, we blocked her phone and took them out of our Friends list in Facebook. We wiped them out of our lives because we don't need people that will bring us down. I made sure she left with ALL of her stuff and that she picked up her trash TODAY because I wasn't going to ring in the New Year with her still a part of our lives. I've had enough...

Now let's see boys and girls, how long this fairy tale between them would last, shall we? I say good riddance but I do pray that her own family gets their act together and soon bring her back home because she is clearly only 18, by age...


The Garden of Egan said...

Sounds like you are going to have a VERY great 2010!
Yowza, what a freaking mess. My daughter has a boyfriend like your former housemate was and I'm beyond concerned for her. Total loser!
May you get the stench out of your house!
Bless you! Bless your family!

Nikia, May and da kids said...

No worries sistah! We had a nephew and a niece do that to our family but we would not break. We simply said if you break the rules, you must leave. This is a Mormon house and if you cannot respect that, go back to the terrible homes and weak parents you left.

She has a home, she just didn't want to be there. You can only help the willing. You know better now and you will screen better now. My son and my nephew followed the LIFESTYLE and now they will be serving missions. They both work full time and got their Melchizedek Priesthood last month. My son is even a college student while preparing for his mission.

Their is hope for those who want change, but you are not a doormat. Say goodbye to that bad memory and in time, it will be a memory. Be thankful she left just in time for the new year. It will pass.

I know it hurts because you loved unconditionally I'm sure, but gather yourself and have a WONDERFUL New Year with your great family!


Hansonpatch said...

I know that it hurts right now, and it can make you angry and cause you to feel unloved when you give and meet with results that you don't want. I also know that gratitude has to be learned, just as all of the other traits of Christ do, and many times we learn that through example. She hadn't had a good example of that and she was just trying to survive by puting herself first. In time you will look back on this and know that you did everything you could, and in time (though you may never know it) she will look back on the time spent with your family and know that she was helped and loved, and she will regret her actions. She will know what a kind gesture she was shown, and it probably won't come until she has kids. They teach you what it is to give and to love if you do it right, and some of that time you learn that you can love and get nothing in return. When she learns that she will be grateful for your sacrifice. Also, you didn't do the service for her alone. "when you have done it to the least of these.." If she is ungrateful now, there is someone who is not. Hang in there and remove the darts from your heart. It took me to long to do that and I missed out on service opportunities as a result of it. Keep going, keep loving and serving, it will make the hurt leave and bring you added peace.

Chandy said...

Thank you Tauna! I feel exactly the same way...

Chandy said...

May, I know exactly what you mean. I so need time to recover.

Chandy said...

Ann, I know that feeling very well. I won't stop serving and loving people, but I definitely am more cautious now...

Lori Belle said...

Oh, my! Crazy story! I am so sorry that happend to you! YOu are honestly, one of the kindest people I have ever met. Goodbye 2009, hello 2010!! Stay strong GF!!

farmerswife17 said...

Good for you! Sounds like you put up with a lot for way too long as it was!

This girl actually sounds like Taryn minus the boyfriend. You think I'm kidding, try living with her for as long as this girl you had in your home! We finally got her to wash her clothes this week, only because she wanted to stay with G and G Mathews on her vacation break.

I wouldn't believe anything she says about her mother. There are always two sides of the story.

Sounds like you'll have a very Happy New Year.

Happy Birthday by the way! We will be sending your family Christmas package soon! It's about time......I know.


Lara said...

Wow Carolyn.

Ann actually said all I was thinking.

You will be blessed for your generous actions. And someday, she will realize just how generous and helpful you were. You are such a good example to me of what it means to be like Christ.

kado! said...

not sure I know this whole story...or who this girl was to you guys...but were very kind to have taken her in! She is young and doesn't understand her actions...yet! She will grow up one day...and look back and see how thankful she was to have you in her life...but then years will have passed!

I wish you the happiest 2010!!!!

Chandy said...

Ladies, thank you all so much for understanding and the wise advise. I so appreciate all of you...